Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They took my balls.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
