Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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