worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
