Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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