Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
