NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
