He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
