It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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