I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
