You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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