we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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