I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
