so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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