He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
