Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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