This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
