dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
