I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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