he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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