i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
