I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
