i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
