So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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