I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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