Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
