yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
