Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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