I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
