His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
