hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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