he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
