I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
