Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
