I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
