i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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