I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
