I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
