I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
