I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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