just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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