i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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