just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
