how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
