I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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