I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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