I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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