So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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