hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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