just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
