Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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