...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
