If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
