hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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