So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
