Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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