i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
