im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
