I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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