they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
