Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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