Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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