remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
