i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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