I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
