Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
