I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
