Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
