My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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