Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV