The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.