I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
